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When the Damsel was just a sprog, having dinner together as a family was as normal as dew in the morning. This happened Every. Single. Day.

The Damsel works at it but it seems harder nowadays. Why is that?

This isn’t a problem just at the Cottage by the Mountains. It’s widespread, according to numerous articles and mentions in the media. A dearth of family dinners sweeps the land. Eating styles have definitely changed since the olden days. In fact, even houses themselves have changed to accommodate this.  If you look at modern house plans, you’ll see that a formal dining room is often skipped in favor of game rooms or dens.

Having dinner together isn’t easy to pull off with crazy schedules, but the Damsel thinks it’s worth trying. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing–if you just can’t all be home at the same time every night, do it when you can. It doesn’t have to be a sit-down in a formal dining room, either. Spending time together is the goal.

For example, take Thursdays at the Cottage. The Knight in Shining Armor sings in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, which rehearses on Thursdays. He has to be there early, so dinner together doesn’t happen on Thursdays. But we try to keep our chin up.

The Damsel knows of families who have specific topics they discuss over dinner:  current events, geography lessons, and so on. This sounds nice, but at her house, the aim is a bit more ordinary. Here are a few of our rules:

  • No snitching because food eaten before the blessing could be poisonous.
  • “Count heads.” This means consider how many people are hoping to have a roll before you take 3 or 7.
  • If you don’t like something, take one small spoonful and keep your comments to yourself.
  • If you’d like to argue, do so ELSEWHERE.
  • Eat less animalistically. Practice makes perfect.

The Damsel would just like to say that she hopes to someday be like the grandma in the Rockwell painting above. Very, very strong arms.

  • http://mygreenambitions.blogspot.com Nikol

    My favorite part of the "Freedom from Hunger" painting is Rockwell peeking at us from the bottom right corner.

    We have family dinner at our house. In fact, having a decent sized dining room was a must when we were looking to buy a home. I love having our extended family over, too. Dinnertime is sometimes chaotic (read: we have small children), but it's some of the best "quality time" I know.

  • http://blueandshoe.blogspot.com Lisa Wood Bingham

    I love this picture~also love the sentiment. Years ago, I made a stronger commitment to have dinner as a family, and not just at the bar stools, but actually sitting at the table, facing each other, at least three to four times a week. With teenagers, YW/YM, school activities, obligations in callings, etc, this was about the number of days we were actually together. Anyway, it was the best thing in the world. Something changes in a family's dynamics when you sit face to face and pray, eat and talk.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      Exactly! Yay, someone else feels the same way I do!

  • http://temporaryinsanitybykym.com Kimberly

    We've so gotten in the habit while our children are young that whenever we don't everything seems a bit off…wrong. I don't much look forward to the years ahead when it will get infinitely more difficult. There's always breakfast though! Err…wait…early morning seminary. Hmm…

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      It is easier when they are young, but the habit will be there. You will be glad.

    • http://cookingwithrockymento.blogspot.com Rocky Mentos

      Before our kids were old enough to attend early morning seminary we had breakfast and scripture study together. It was great. If you can continue it through seminary, your great. Alas..we didn't make it.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

        wonderful! After all, it doesn't need to be dinner, does it?

  • Erica

    What a perfect post. I love it. :^)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      Thanks, Erica!

  • http://www.whathefork.blogspot.com Erin

    This post really hit me. We try very hard to eat dinner together most nights of the week. Sometimes the kids and I eat dinner without hubby because he works late so we then sit with him while he eats and tell each other about our days. We always ate as a family when I was growing up, even when I started working one of my parents would sit with me while I ate dinner just so we could talk. I hope that I can keep doing this with my kids and the art of family dinners will carry on with them.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      Wonderful! I'm so glad you're carrying this on.

  • Stacie

    i'm laughing! really! hard!!! i'm also a bit disappointed. i was hoping that the…
    "If you don’t like something, take one small spoonful and keep your comments to yourself."
    and the…
    "Eat less animalistically. Practice makes perfect."
    rules might be phased out in the near future at our home. sounds like they're going to be around for the long haul… too bad!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      \”animalistically\” IS SO A WORD!!! I say so. hahahaha…Stacie, the fun never ends. :)

  • http://beinglds.blogspot.com Jocelyn

    Ha, I love it! Sit-down family dinners are sooo worth it!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      After writing this post today, tonight it was just me and the seventeen year old. We keep trying!

  • http://kiracooks.blogspot.com Kira Palmer

    OH, how important a topic!!! I REALLY believe in family dinner. I think it makes all the difference in the world. When my husband was in night school we ate dinner at 4 pm because it was just TOO important to skip. I think it also helps kids see you eat different things so they are not so picky. Thanks for a great post!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      Good for you re: the 4pm dinner. I really should do that on my crazy Thursday nights.

  • http://latermom.blogspot.com/ Charlotte

    We try for family dinner every night, although with husband's schedule it doesn't always happen. Often it is just me and the kids, but I think they still get the benefit. They love it!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      I so agree. Although I have to ask myself…why do I not feel like cooking if the Knight won't be there?

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/latermom Charlotte

        Yeah, I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt when my husband is gone and dinner becomes macaroni and cheese, or maybe some popcorn while watching a movie. (When I say "try" I mean "try with 75% success").

  • http://mercyandjustus.blogspot.com Heidi

    I loved this post…I agree whole heartedly! I also loved learning that the Knight is a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir! How cool is THAT!!!!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      I know…he's so cool and famous! :)

  • http://angelsinmygarden.blogspot.com Polly

    Oh, how I love your site, how at home I feel!! I am so happy to have found you in this great big internet world!! I love everything “the way it was”!! It amazes me no end that many things that were common practice in my youth are now coming into their own again and being known as “the new way”!! Full circle. Take care, Friend (I do not use that term lightly as I feel as if I have found a long lost friend.)
    Polly´s last [type] ..Like Butterfinger? Like Twinkies? You’ll Love This!!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      Thank you! Comments like this make it all so worthwhile. Now I'm running off to look at your blog. :)

  • Amber

    Family dinner is something that we have done since Emmy was little. Now, though, it has changed because Ben is working nights. I am trying to keep up the tradition, but it is so hard when my husband is away. Sigh. I think I'll do better next week!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      oooh, I know how hard that is. **hugs

  • http://lynnewsnyder.blogspot.com/ Lynnes Invented life

    Those rules sound like gold to me. You are a smart cookie.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      haha! Thanks, Lynne!

  • http://altaredspaces.com/ rebecca@altaredspace

    Gotta love the "strong arms" comment. Made me laugh so hard! Okay, I'll buy that.

    When I visited my husband's house, long before we married, we sat to eat and…instantly… the food was gone. This galant man who would be my knight in shining stood up and said, "Hey, put some back so she can eat." They did and I was fed.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      Oh my gosh! What a welcome for you! Oh goodness.

  • http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com Carly

    Cute blog post :)

  • christyisrc

    The family dinner is so important. I wish we were able to do it more often. With 5 teenagers and 2 younger kids and a dad who works crazy hours it is hard. I try to make the meal important for whomever is there. Thanks for stopping by my blog – I love yours. Learning old ways is so important!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/the_damsel the_damsel

      thanks, Christy!