That smooth, beautiful layer of yum in lasagna?

Yes, dear students, it’s possible. And it’s as easy as kindergarten. The Damsel suspects you have everything you need, at this moment, in your kitchen. You could be five minutes away from ravishing ricotta. (Technically, this is called paneer. Ricotta is properly made from whey instead of milk. But it tastes the same to the Damsel.)

At the Old School, the Damsel likes to teach things they used to know by heart in the olden days, and put a new twist on them when she can. Hence the name “New Old School.” So today, she’ll teach you how to make ricotta cheese, an old skill indeed…but with a microwave.

First, set a colander over a dish. It needn’t be big. Line it with two layers of cheesecloth or paper towel.

Measure 2 cups of milk (the higher the fat content, the higher your yield) into a glass bowl or other microwavable vessel.

Add two tablespoons of plain white vinegar, or, in other words, one tablespoon per cup of milk. (This is the same thing you do when you need to “make” buttermilk in an emergency.) Add some salt if you like…the Damsel added 1/4 tsp.

Microwave this for 2-4 minutes, or until you see it start to bubble around the edges.

Stir gently. The milk should separate into solids vs. translucent liquid. Microwave another 30 seconds if needed and check again. The Damsel thought something was busted, because there was only a small amount of solids. But this is normal–the reason for the small yield was she used 1% milk.

Scoop the solids into the colander and let it drain until it reaches the desired consistency. Only a few minutes is usually necessary.

The resulting cheese is soft and sort of like cream cheese, but less firm. You’ll end up with anywhere between 2 tablespoons and 1/2 cup of cheese.

The Damsel loved its fresh taste. There was no hope of lasagna, so she spread it on a bit of crusty bread and thought it was delicioso. You can add herbs, which would be quite lovely. Or go sweet, with honey and fruit.

The Damsel remembers crying to Grandma one day as a newlywed, because a precious gallon of milk had gone sour. Grandma heated it on the stove until it separated, just like this. She may or may not have added more sourness with extra vinegar–the memory isn’t too clear. She drained it well, till the curds were a bit firm. To this she added salt and a bit of cream, and called it cottage cheese. Whether or not it should be called cottage cheese, or ricotta, or paneer, it’s a brilliant idea…a way to use up and not waste.

Speaking of that, the leftover liquid could be used for a baking project that calls for water or milk, adding nutrition.

Thanks, Kenji, for the microwave method.

In the area where the Damsel lives, a key ingredient was removed from dishwasher detergent. Phosphorus has long been included in all sorts of cleaning products, but it’s been determined to be harmful to the environment. So they’ve taken it out.

Whether you’re happy or sad about such a thing being done, the problem remains. We’d still like to drink out of a glass that looks clean. It’s nice to use silverware that you don’t feel compelled to rub with your napkin before putting it in your mouth.

The basics of life, you know?

Enter vinegar. Again.

Vinegar does much the same thing as Jet Dry. Add some to the dishwasher, and you’ll notice a marked improvement in water spots, haze, and overall gunky look.

But how? Some people put it in the Jet Dry compartment and feel perfectly fine about things. But the Damsel has had less than spectacular results from that. The amount of vinegar released isn’t enough to deal with her problem. The Cottage has very hard water, and now no phosphorus. A whole cup of vinegar, however, does do the trick. Thankfully, the stuff is cheap.

The best time to add the vinegar is during the rinse cycle. If you can manage to remember to be right there, in the kitchen, at the appropriate moment, you can just open the dishwasher door and pour it right into the bottom of the dishwasher.

But. Rare is the time this has happened at the Damsel’s house. She can hardly remember her own name, let alone when the dishwasher is starting to rinse. You could run a separate rinse cycle after the regular cycle, but that seems wasteful.

An Old School student offered a suggestion, and the Damsel tested it a few times. She is happy to report that it WORKED GREAT. Simply set one of your glasses right side up in your top rack, instead of inverted like usual. Fill with a cup of vinegar and start the machine as you normally do. Over the course of the cycle, the vinegar gradually mixes with the water and does its thing.

The Damsel doesn’t know exactly how, but doing it this way seems to delay the vinegar’s dispersal enough that it works pretty much like adding it during the elusive rinse cycle.

You can do this even if you aren’t having a phosphate withdrawl problem. By doing the vinegar trick, you can skip putting Jet Dry in your dishwasher. Really.

No nasty phosphates AND clean dishes. Solved with a cheap, natural substance. Win/win.

How many times have you looked for cake flour at the market and either couldn’t find it, or cringed at the price?

Could it be true that it’s really THIS EASY to make your own cake flour?

Mix one cup of all-purpose flour with 2 tablespoons of cornstarch. Sift twice. Measure your cake flour after sifting.

The Damsel has heard that cake flour has a higher starch content than regular flour, and adding corn starch will simulate that. She hasn’t tried it personally but cooks she trusts and respects swear by the stuff. She usually backs slowly away from recipes that call for fussy stuff like cake flour. No more.

Think of the new vistas of baking that have just opened before your eyes.

sugar.

a blender or food processor.

cornstarch (optional).

the need to eat frosting.

The Damsel promises, this really does work and can be used any way “storebought” powered sugar is used. She sincerely wishes she knew about this before, because plain table sugar is quite a bit cheaper than powdered sugar, and this is ridiculously easy.

Put a cup of sugar in the blender and turn it on, adding 2 tablespoons of cornstarch if you have it. (Commercial powdered sugar has cornstarch in it to keep it from clumping. You can do the same if you like. But if you are using it immediately, there’s really no need. If you are making it ahead, then perhaps you should.)

Blend at a high speed for 30 seconds or so, depending on your blender. Eyeball the stuff. You may need to stir things around and go at it again, but the Damsel found no need. Good grief, it was really that easy.

An interesting note: 1 cup of granulated sugar makes a bit more than 1 cup powdered. That seems backwards to the Damsel’s brain. Many things seem backwards to the Damsel’s brain, including why children get stupider as they grow older. But she has made peace with her brain’s behavior and hopes the best for you and your own struggle for true perception.

P.S. Powdered sugar is also called:

• confectioner’s sugar
• icing sugar
• superfine sugar
• extra fine sugar

Is brown sugar more healthy than white sugar? Like brown rice vs. white rice, brown bread vs. white bread? Is it less refined?

The Damsel looked up an article about how commercial sugar producers make brown sugar and got confused. But it seems it comes down to this: maybe they used to do it differently, but nowadays, they make white sugar by refining out stuff, and make it brown by adding some of that stuff back in. #headscratch.

And, as you might guess, once the stuff is in your body, it can’t tell the difference. Sugar’s sugar.

But can you make brown sugar yourself at home? Yes! It’s as easy as kindergarten.

For every one cup of white sugar, add a tablespoon of molasses.

Mix well, being sure to scrape down the sides to coat all that nasty white stuff until it’s pleasantly brown. You can do it old school and just go at it with a fork, or an electric mixer will do the job quickly.

You can add another tablespoon at this point, for “dark” brown sugar. You can vary the kind of molasses you use, too, if you feel the need. The Damsel has enough going on in her life that she feels no need to add a brown sugar variable. But she gives you permission to go there. Have fun.

The resulting brown sugar is fluffy, yet clingy, so you can pack it into a measuring cup as usual. The Damsel found it interesting that when she measured, she had pretty much exactly what she started with: 1 cup + 1 tablespoon brown sugar.

No more running to the market when you’re in the middle of a cookie baking project! The Damsel feels in her heart that this method must also be cheaper than buying the plastic packages of brown sugar. But she has a cold, so she can’t do math today.

Perhaps you’ve heard. Or maybe you’ve learned from personal experience. Try this, and you’ll end up with suds irresponsibly billowing out of your dishwasher. The volume of suds is quite astonishing. On the bright side, your kitchen floor will never be cleaner–once you’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time cleaning up all the suds.

So–what if you’re out of dishwasher detergent? Is there anything you can use, just until you can get back to the store?

The Damsel will permit you to use the aforementioned liquid. But you must use only a couple of DROPS. If you can’t trust yourself to stop with two drops, then just forget about the whole thing.

Also, add a handful of baking soda to the machine…just throw it in. It will help control the sudsing, and is actually a pretty good cleaner itself. Some folks even say to just skip the two drops of dish soap and use the baking soda alone.

Others make this heretical statement: Take the dishes out of the dishwasher and wash the silly things by hand. The Damsel can hardly bring herself to write such words.